Ritch sent an e-mail asking if I could take a shot at decoding a sentence from some university regulations. Inspired by an “editorial makeover” post over on Liz Strauss’s blog, I decided to give it a whirl.
The sentence in question is:
“If the thesis, though inadequate, is deficient in certain respects only, the Examiners may recommend that it be referred for revision, and subsequent re-examination.”
First off, I would try asking someone in charge to clarify (and then politely request that the university regulations be revised to clarify things like this). But we don’t have the luxury of that in this case, so let’s give it the old college try. (Yes, “the old college try” is hackneyed, but given the context, irresistible as well.)
Ritch’s question is “Would you infer from this that, if a thesis is referred for revision, there must also be a re-examination, or is the re-examination optional?”
My guess is that the thesis must be re-examined after revision, because the sentence says “…referred for revision, and subsequent re-examination.” [Emphasis added.] The revision and the subsequent re-examination seem to go together, both logically and grammatically—if not for that comma.
The comma in the middle of that phrase muddles things up, because when we read, we tend to put pauses in wherever there’s a comma. Thus we read this passage as “…referred for revision [pause] and subsequent re-examination.” What did the writer (or writers, which seems likely) mean by adding that comma, that pause? If they meant that the revision must be followed by re-examination, there’s no need for a comma there.
To me, it doesn’t seem logical that they actually meant “…the Examiners may recommend that it be referred for revision, and they may also recommend that it be re-examined after revision.” Why revise an inadequate thesis if they don’t want to re-examine it?
The whole sentence is murky, not just the bit with the comma. It’s larded with passive voice, for one thing. Who found the thesis inadequate? The Examiners, I assume. The phrase “If the thesis, though inadequate, is deficient in certain respects only…” is needlessly convoluted, and what do they mean by “deficient in certain respects only?” That there are only a few superficial (rather than fundamental) problems that can easily be corrected? That’s my guess.
Furthermore, what’s going on with referring it for revision? To whom will it be referred, if not the author? In that case, just recommend that the author revise it.
Let’s try clearing things up:
If the Examiners find the thesis inadequate merely because of a few superficial deficiencies, they may recommend that the author revise it, and then they will re-examine it.
I’ve made some guesses about the intent of this regulation, so I could have missed the mark. Let me repeat that the best solution is to hash out what it means with the committee that drafted it in the first place.
What do you think? Any other interpretations, or suggested revisions?
Here’s what I think they’re trying to say. They don’t want folks to miss the point that the thesis isn’t up to snuff. That seems very important by where they placed the phrase "though inadequate."“The thesis as it stands is inadequate. However, if the thesis is deficient in certain respects only, the Examiners may recommend that it be referred for revision, and subsequent re-examination.”I couldn’t resist,
Liz
The more, the merrier! Thanks for stopping in.
This is actually something I like to do – not professionally mind you but the changing and shifting of words (even slight) can alter the whole . Roy, when you added "superficial" it changed the weight of the deficiency. Liz did a good job of keeping it neutral (the value of what is lacking from the thesis) without making it passive (although it’s a dry sentence to begin with. Great job both of you for working it through!"A thesis, determined to be inadequate by Examiners, may be referred for revision and subsequent re-examination if the deficiencies occur only in certain respects."Tammy
first of all, thanks for teh input Roy and Liz.Liz, what is your opinion on the optionality of the re-examination?
Tammy,Point taken. I made an assumption here about what "deficient in certain respects only" meant, but I could be wrong. That’s why we need the input of the original writer or writers.Thanks everyone for participating!
How about a simpler edit which allows the passive voice but states the idea more clearly? “If an inadequate thesis is deficient only in certain respects, the Examiners may recommend the author revise it and resubmit it.”I take it the "subsequent re-examination" is for thesis approval and the student submitting it cannot proceed without an approved thesis. The examiners aren’t recommending only revising the thesis, but revising and resubmitting it to them for approval.
Phil,That helped quite a bit, but I keep asking myself, "Yeah, but what does ‘deficient in certain respects only" really mean?" If the thesis is completely free of spelling or grammar errors, but is riddled with factual errors, does that qualify as "deficient in certain respects only?"I agree that the revision and re-examination are tied together here.
If thesis isn’t bad enough to be thrown out, the Examiners may recommend a do-over.
My answer to Ritch’s question – It seems logical that after the thesis is revised it should go through another examination before approval.1) inadequate thesis (deficient in certain respects)2) up to examiners to recommend a rewrite3) thesis re-examinedOriginal: “If the thesis, though inadequate, is deficient in certain respects only, the Examiners may recommend that it be referred for revision, and subsequent re-examination.”Roy: “If the Examiners find the thesis inadequate merely because of a few superficial deficiencies, they may recommend that the author revise it, and then they will re-examine it.”Liz: “The thesis as it stands is inadequate. However, if the thesis is deficient in certain respects only, the Examiners may recommend that it be referred for revision, and subsequent re-examination.”Tammy: "A thesis, determined to be inadequate by Examiners, may be referred for revision and subsequent re-examination if the deficiencies occur only in certain respects."Phil: “If an inadequate thesis is deficient only in certain respects, the Examiners may recommend the author revise it and resubmit it.”Gary: “If thesis isn’t bad enough to be thrown out, the Examiners may recommend a do-over.”Note, I’m only trying my hand at this, I’m in no way qualified at anything to do with writing english. Hammer away at my response as I’m more than willing to listen.“In the case where a submitted thesis is judged inadequate by the Examiners, they may recommend that the thesis be revised if it is merely deficient in minor details. Following a rewrite, the thesis in question can then be resubmitted for re-examination.”(I can’t believe I’m joining with you all)
Cat,"Come on in; the water’s fine!"Welcome, and thanks for participating.
Uff-da! Sounds like that passage is a relative of legalese, which I refer to as collegese and unfortunately run into on a daily basis. How ’bout:"If the thesis is not quite up to par, the Examiners will ask you to fix it and give it back, so they can read it again."I mean, that’s how we (college students) talk anyway.
Thanks Roy!